Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
