so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
God I need to hump something, right now.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
