when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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