I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize