You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
