its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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