sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize