pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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