don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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