I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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