The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
