Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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