I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
