I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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