someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
