I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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