tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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