all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
