i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
