D3 body, D1 cock
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
