I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize