Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
