does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
