As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
