found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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