I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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