There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
