So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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