I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
