we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
