It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
