im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
