hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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