Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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