My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
