dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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