I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
