He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
