Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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