Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
