I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
