Got a toothbrush?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
