Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
