Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
