I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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