I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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