Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
