dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
