ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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