I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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