she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
