did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
