And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
