I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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