This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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