DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
