i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
