Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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