so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
