I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
