i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
