his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
