So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
