ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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