Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize