dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
