My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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