who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
