I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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