the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
