there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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