We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you would pick up someone in the library
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
