dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
