Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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