if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The power of my boobs compel you
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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